I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
