She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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