But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like abortions should bother me more
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
