just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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