I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
