In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
