proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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