I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
