if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
