Don't make out with my wife yet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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