dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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