I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
