Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
