doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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