umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
