they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
