We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
