He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had sex bonerless
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
