she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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