I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
