I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
