see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
