Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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