My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
