please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
