His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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