Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
