It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
