do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
