Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
