Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
