hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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