im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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