she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
