i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
