You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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