Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
