I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
