Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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