There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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