I'm so fucking centered right now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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