i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
