wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
