Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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