Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
