I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am naked and annoyed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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