I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
