All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
