Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
