listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
