I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
